13 Apr Life Is Not Fair
“Life isn’t fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all.” — William Goldman
I have met a few folks and must confess there are some widely held concepts or beliefs they hold that are lethal.
Mental poisons!
One of which is the idea that everyone gets ‘whatever’ they want or think they are owed in life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have seen and experienced differently.
PREMISE
Let’s start here: Here’s a very simplistic prism through which to consider life –
- There will always be people who are ‘better’ than you.
- There will always be people who are ‘just like you’.
- There will always be people who are ‘worse of’ than you.
In order words, some people will be wiser, better, prettier, taller, slimmer, bigger, kinder, smarter, luckier than you. Similarly, there will also be people who are just as wise, pretty, tall, short, slim, big, kind as you. And lastly, there will be people who are not as wise, pretty, tall, slim, big, tough, kind, lucky etc. as you.
That’s life.
And I know, it’s not fair!
That aside…here is the greatest challenge or danger we face –
The temptation to attribute our worth or value by comparing ourselves to others. Actually, only fools do that.
“Life is not fair, Get Used To It”, is a famous quote attributed to Bill Gates, yet long before that, this has been a reality for many people from all walks of life.
- Fair or not.
- Good or bad.
- Right or wrong.
Yep, life is not fair.
EXPOSURE
My exposure came early, please do note that there is a difference between exposed and imbibed. I can smile now in retrospect as I ponder my childhood and the enormity of the responsibilities of being the first born ‘male’ child. Can you imagine my expression when I attempt to compare the huge disproportionate expectations I endured in “comparison” to my brothers?
Remember, what I said about “comparisons” ?
Don’t do it.
Anyway, the idea of fairness in life is deceptive which could lead to either one of two decisions. Consider them slowly —
The mantra, that Life Is Not Fair’ will either be the fuel that propels you to greater heights or the crutch that limits you.
I also think…
It will either place a burning desire within you to run and take flight on the path to your destiny or it will be the well documented (polished and amazing) rationale that justifies your excuses.
I do believe that…
It will be the “wind” in your sails or the windstorm that grounds your ‘sails’.
“IKA O DOGBA”
As I prepared to leave the comfort of my parents’ home for the first time to attend a boarding secondary school (6th — 12th Grade) in Jos, Plateau State Nigeria more than 400 miles away. Till date, I remember the conversation I had with my mother as she wasted no time in laying bare the hard realities of life. Straight to the point was her approach and as she held my right hand, she traced my fingers and said, “Ika O dogba” over and over. This is a very popular ‘Yoruba’ adage which simply means “all fingers are not equal”.
You know, Mother was right…our fingers are not the same, each one is unique.
I think I understand better now what she meant then…
She was telling me to be tenacious.
She was telling me to get ready for a life long battle.
She was telling me to be stubborn because there will be draining and long battles ahead.
She was telling me not to allow myself to give in to external pressures to quit.
She was telling me to live with an edge, an unrelenting desire to maximise the God ordained purpose and ability within me.
I will love to ask you what do you think she meant but won’t at this juncture. However, why don’t you ask yourself if Life is Fair?
Before you answer that question, read this story (unabridged, author unknown but acknowledged) that a friend forwarded to my attention a short while ago. It really amplifies this further.
“DUCKS QUACK; EAGLES SOAR”
I was waiting in line for a ride at the airport when a cab pulled up;the first thing I noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine, smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks. The cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for me.
He handed me a laminated card and said: I’m Wasiu, your driver. While I’m loading your bags in the trunk I’d like you to read my mission statement.’
Taken aback, I read the card; It said: Wasiu’s Mission Statement:
“To get my customers to their destination in the quickest,safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.”
This blew me away. Especially when I noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wasiu said: ‘Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.’ I said jokingly,
‘No, I’d prefer a soft drink.’ Wasiu smiled and said, ‘No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, lassi, water and orange juice.’
Almost stuttering, I said, ‘I’ll take a Lassi.’ Handling me my drink,Wasiu said; ‘If you’d like something to read, I have Thisday, Guardian & Sun newspapers.’ As they were pulling away, Wasiu handed me another laminated card, ‘These are the stations I get and the music they play if you’d like to listen to the radio.’
And as if that weren’t enough, Wasiu told me that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for me. Then he advised me of the best route to my destination for that time of day. He also let me know that he’d be happy to chat and tell me about some of the sights or, if I preferred, to leave me with my own thoughts.
‘Tell me, Wasiu,’ I was amazed and asked him, ‘have you always served customers like this?’ Wasiu smiled into the rear view mirror. ‘No, not always. In fact, it’s only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard about power of choice one day.’
‘Power of choice is that you can be a duck or an eagle.’
‘If you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you’ll rarely disappoint yourself. ‘Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.’
‘That hit me right,’ said Wasiu.
‘It is about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.’
‘I take it that has paid off for you,’ I said.
‘It sure has,’ Wasiu replied. ‘My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I’ll probably quadruple it. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on it.’
Wasiu made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles. “You don’t die if you fall in the water, you die only if you don’t swim.
Life is not fair, I know but what will you do about it?
You can be a Duck or an Eagle, it’s your choice and life.
So who are you going to be?
Choose wisely.
‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D. (c), PMP
@FloFalayi
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